Day 8

Up at 5.40am. Did some more promotional shots, utilizing the sunrise this time. Had some fresh mango for breakfast and then out for milking and feeding the cattle. Mike and I have got the fence building down to a fine art now. We've also come to an understanding....well a non-undertsanding that is...so much as in, he cant understand my accent and I cant understand his, so that sorted, we're as happy as a termite mound on a north-south axis. Also finally finished the organic weeding and mowing. Thank goodness, cause it aint rocket science but its bloody hard work, especially when you got 'meat ants' biting you...the bastards! Claire has gone to the nearest town 'Katherine' for some work stuff and isnt back till tomorrow. So I was chef for the night and cooked up a couple of beef steaks and some potatoes. To be honest Ive been basically living off beef since I arrived. Met Rory and Ronney (a girl) who help run the Numble Numble station. Doesnt look like ill be able to visit it as im off on Sunday. To be perfectly honest with you, im not bothered. Apparently its a bit like Menindee but you sleep outside instead. So theres even more flying, biting and generally pesky insects up there to contend with. Umm...no thanks, think ill pass on that one.

Day 7

Up at 6.00am. All back to normal, by the looks of it. Milking and feeding again before breakfast. And then a stint down the veggie garden for some more scrambling around in insect utopia. Any creepy crawly phobias are not welcome in this environment. I have seen some pretty weird looking dudes whilst working on the station. The other night I saw...and no word of a lye...a flying beetle the size of a tennis ball!! I cried yesterday too...not because of the beetle..and woaw...now ...don't get worried or start feeling sorry for me...I obviously needed it and was glad of the release. My time here has evoked emotional and vunerable feelings in me that I did not expect. Im a tough cookie and not afraid of hard work, however isolation, fatigue and the utter despair at my increasing scars and bruises has made me realise, lifes to short to be feeling like shit and eaten alive as we speak. My back started playing up again yesterday too. So with this in mind, I decided to knock a couple of days off my stay here. Need another massage or some kind of medical intervention and could do with a bloody Snickers bar too! Leaving Sunday instead of next Thursday. Going back to Darwin and hopefully will get in a balloon ride and maybe some crocodile wrestling before moving on....yes back to the stuff i'm used to, but probably not what the doctor ordered...tough shit doc, you aint here to wag your theraputic finger me mate. Today, I also helped Mike build a paddock and some barbed wire fences. Plus I have met a new adversary in the bush...the bloody grass seed! Didnt show Mike, but for a moment out there, I thought I was gonna have to rip my shorts off. Silently panicking as I scratched what I thought, was an army of ants in my pants! One last thing before bed. A stint modelling for some promotional photos, for the guest room business. Cool.

"Holy Cow"!

Day 6

Bit of an odd day today, not sure if it was Belle or Sebastian who sang “Get me away from here I'm dying”. Well that's how I felt when I woke this morning. A 7.00am start today as I couldn't be arsed to get up any earlier and didn't finish till 10.30pm last night anyway. More itchy spots on my body plus my right ear has grown in size due to a well positioned bite from something. Half way through cursing that, I then notice a rash on my abdomen and chest....”Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on in this room of a night”! I'm not a happy bunny. Plus I'm slightly subdued as I almost got into a tense conversation with Mike last night in front of the guests over his chauvinistic attitude. Not one to hold a grudge though and apparently if mike isn't abusing you, he doesn't like you. So it was straight out with Mike, for the same milking and feeding routine as usual. However the new born calf i nursed yesterday wasn't looking too good and was dehydrating terribly. Mike was his usual impatient self and i wasn't in the mood for it. I did a bit of bottle feeding with him but shortly after 10.00am he died...that's the calf not mike. Claire and Mike not too chuffed, Ive not been given anymore work for the day and basically an atmos has been born. Its so humid too, so much so that you sweat and feel drained by doing very little. I don't now whether or not i should be asking for work or what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing “where did it all go wrong...Christ knows” but I'm sure they are fine, probably pissed off about the calf..heifers are pregnant for 9 months so that's all gone to waist.

Guests out on the veranda enjoying some bevvies (not me though...not quite the end of January yet)


Mike trying to avoid his photo being taken "Its a bloody invasion of privacy"

Definitely 'Beer O'clock' I think

Day 5

Up at 6.00am. Woke to find the local insect population had enjoyed a banquet in the night, care of my body. Fed and moved the cattle around the paddock (making a lot of mistakes with regards to closing fences and gates after me) Bloody inquisitive cows ...getting me into trouble there...no concept of team work. Building barbed wire gates and getting ripped apart...no matter how careful I was. Started to make a list of the things I intend on buying as soon as I get back to civilisation. Sponged down a 1 hour old, new born calf. Some more house hold chores. From about 4.00pm onwards I was introduced to my new role....a stint in hospitality as assistant chef, hostess, dish washer, waitress, bar girl and all round goffa. The station also doubles as as guest house you see (its about $500 per night) and so I had to smarten up and look after the guests.

Me in front part of the thermal springs down in the Mataranka Homestead area, (just been to my Bible bashing class). Guy behind me said he was sitting quietly and had just spotted a crocodile. On hearing this...Mike said dryly..."Nah, he was just playing with himself".

Day 4

Up at 5.40am. Off with Dad down to the station paddocks for maintenance and electric fence check (Mike appeared to think the best way to check the fence was to get me to touch it)! “Yeah...you can piss right off mate”. Scrubbed the veranda decking (all of it)! Some lemon squeezing. More hand mowing in the organic garden. Washed some windows and under instruction from mum, had to clean my room.

Some of my new....
and soon to be eaten
....friends

Mike The Beard O'Brian
'Dad'

Day 3

Up at 5.45am. Began the day moving some heifers round the paddock, milking and feeding and smelling them.. Eating Vegemite and cheese on rice crackers....actually very nice. Quick stint on the quad bike. Sanding and oiling furniture with a Brillo pad...bloody dusty stuff. Preparing Melons for 'the jam making' to come. Visiting the nearby thermal springs and finally..joining a congregation of 6, in the local school (chapel not finished) for Sunday pray, singing (yes..cringe central) and reading of some chapters from 'James'.....hhhmmmm..didnt think it was the right time to mention I'm an atheist.

Day 2

Up at 7.00am for an early start at the local community centre to celebrate Australia Day. Served up free breakfast (in between stuffing my face with crispy bacon and buttery toast of course). More exile to the sink. Taking part in the local quiz (as much use as a chocolate teapot there). General maintenance and cleaning of the veranda and summer furniture. Far too much time spent working out the mechanism to close a bloody pram. (lucky I ain't gonna need that skill for the future) and peeling carrots.

Outback Rota

Day 1

Up at 6.00am for a bit of farm maintenance. Introduction to the resident cattle. Very regal looking and extremely charming. A stressful introduction to mikes quad bike, holding on backwards, until my knuckles literally bled and I was covered in cow shit! A journey into the veggie garden for what i can only describe as mowing the grass and weeds with my bare hands. And in my excitement almost, totally decimated the tomato patch. Establishing my role in the kitchen...basically, always the washer upper.

'Mum'

'Stormy' the dog

Mike 'big foot' O'Brian's thongs!

The milk i now drink....straight from the udder!

Unknown Territory

“What am I doing”

Finally left Byron Bay and made my way to Brisbane to catch up with Simon, one last time. We were supposed to go to the Australian zoo and I was really looking forward to it, cause i wanted to hold some creepy crawlies (spider fear to overcome) and see some crocs, however we both got into brisbane too late and the zoo would have been closing within and hour of our arrival there. Bugger! Anyway we were both a bit cream crackered and i dont think we would have paid any attention if we had gone. So a meal and a massive chat and then im on my way to Darwin.

I better explain why im actually going there. You see i registered with this organisation called woofing. They take your details for a small fee and then you get a book for cattle or organic farms all over the world and you can email them for work. Your board and food are paid for so you dont get a wage, however you meet lots of people, live with a family and learn all about organic farming, looking after cattle, driving the tractors (my favourite) and so much more.

The farm that I was accepted on was owned by 'Mum and Dad' duo Claire and Mike O'Brian and their daughter Moira, who looks after office stuff. The farms are called Coodardie and Numble Numble. They specialise in cattle breeding and have about 4000 cows altogether. They were situated in the Mataranka/Darwin/in the middle of no-where territory, way up north. Bit of a bind getting there. I didnt realise how bloody big Australia was, and my first attempt to get a greyhound to Mataranka was met with the incredibly depressing news, that i would basically need 4 coaches and 45 hours of travel. Jesus weap! What a nightmare journey. So, bugger that i thought, went straight on the net and booked a flight to Darwin (nearest ariport that flys out of brisbane) and got a bus to Mataranka where 'Dad' kindly picked me up. So 45 hours down to 12. Result....ingenuity at its finest!

Darwin..by air..by dawn and by dusk.

Hey...look at this! Lovely ain't it. Its getting progressively more yellow. People either think I've been battered, mugged, have a massive birth mark or are too polite to actually comment. Me...I'm very proud.

10 year old Jay....our designated driver for the day!

So with flying around the bay, seeking out the native wildlife and getting to know the local peeps, i move swiftly onto my next challenge....Ab sailing. This was a little bit scary, especially the leap of faith ...yet again...over the cliff edge. More gear to be strapped on and as i pointed out to Al (the instructor) another opportunity to see every squidgy bit of my battered body squeezing its way through every gap in the harness...nice one. Shouldn't really be concerning myself with that guff though, when Ive got a 30 foot drop to contemplate. Obviously this exercise did raise the heart rate just a tad. Its was all fun though and Al thought "for your first time you've got good technique". If only he could have heard the many expletives muttering out of my mouth, especially when i took an unofficial bash into the rock face, just as I was clambering into the awaiting boat. Nice sharp, jagged rock broke my fall...and proceeded to rip up my arm...great. The list of war wounds continues but never mind, quite proud of my new body art.

Al was cool and he brought his 10 year old son Jay to help too. even invited me to a family bbq but i had another excursion booked so maybe next time. And there may well be a next time, as Al was having a camera crew round to film as reality TV programme. He asked me to look him up and see how they are doing, when I'm back in oz.....mmm...interesting, very interesting indeed.

whilst donning the various hard hats, harness', overalls and other flatering safety equipment I have managed to pick up a slightly annoying back and neck injury. Overdosing on Neurofen hadn't worked and I was getting sick of walking round like bloody c3po, so I booked myself a massage with the local chiropractor/acupuncturist guru. Now i must say here that this was after my first choice of remedy was a complete waist of time. You see after id finished bashing into cliff's, i decided that whilst on my trip to Nimbin ( hippy heaven, population of 300, big hospital, cop shop in centre of town and 'Richo's' description..."its got issues".....need i say more). I was hoping for some much needed medical intervention via the large inhalation of 'mull'. Well, it didn't happen....big disappointment. The waif's and strays of the old mental hospital have inhabited and bred in that small town, with no real purpose and sustainable means of living they rely heavily on tourism. The people of Nimbin appeared undernourished, under payed and understandably under par. Stoned or pissed i personally found them to be a bland if not colourful mix of predictable individuals. So..not a sniff of the medicinal herb was acquired and I began to wish id accepted Al's invitation. So feeling pretty frustrated at pissing about there while the bus arrived and then realising my head phones had packed in, as soon as I got back to Byron...i decided to make myself feel better and walked straight into the tattoo parlour and got my nose pierced. was gonna get a tattoo as well but they were about to close.

Got back, more German girls have arrived (bloody loads here). Joann and Annabell. Really cool couple of lass' and best of all they had been to Mildura just before Xmas. So the 'contract conversation' was had. an even longer conversation followed regarding the amount we were all paying for a room with little privacy, little space, little quiet and little air! Bloody humid as hell and only a very noisy wall fan to keep us from unconsciousness. It was a pretty inadequate situation but i don't know... maybe being British, i just put up with it. There's not really much you can do, however the German girls were having none of it and were all for complaining to reception.( I think the total rip off they endured in Mildura had hardened them to any future nonsense) You go girls...knock yourselves out....me...i ain't got the energy, booked myself into so many activities that its now crying out for some much needed TLC.

Lat day in Byron Bay...Yes another activity.... I can almost hear my aching soul now. Barley able to get out of bed unaided and stiff as a stale french stick I get kitted out once more for the adventure of the day....Kayaking. Don't have a partner so had to share with one of the instructors...great he can do all the work..ill sit back, enjoy the ride and contemplate my immediate future with regards to my immediate back problem. No such luck...once he'd sorted everyone else he got me to set a pretty quick pace through the waves. Within 2 minutes of being in the bloody thing...i was air born! The break water on the beach had some pretty big swells. In all fairness though it was a really exhilarating experience. Even though my back was in half, my bruise was aching, my nose was throbbing and my legs were crippled the moment we spotted dolphins that all faded into insignificance. Chocolate cookies and pic n mix kind of helped too. Only one unauthorised maneuver from me.....a total wipe out just as I came into the beach, riding the crest of a wave in my now single manned kayak (2 girls bailed half way through cause of sea sickness and so i was volunteered by nick to take one back on my own)! I almost made it too, but lost it big style..like.

"Right...that's it" I thought gotta sort myself out once and for all (see i can be sensible). Saw my guru guy and he sorted me out. Now under strong instruction too take it easy and slow down for a bit. "just warming up mate". "No, Kelly i want you to relax". "look I'm not old and I got alot of stuff to be doing, so it ain't happening". On this note guru...after understanding my accent, sense of humour and stubborn constitution, thoughtfully and politely requested i give my body a rest "as its fucked".

A small message to say that i am currently in the middle of no-where and have no control over networks, Internet, blogs, money or meal breaks. So if my blog is slightly random in appearance and i am slightly random in contact, then not too worry, I'm fine, just in unknown territory at the moment....

Same day, having just survived the amazing flight around the coast of Lennox point it was off to meet a guy called 'Richo' for a 6 hour wildlife tour. This was a really cool afternoon, got to see koalas, kangaroos, wallabies, flying foxes, about 20,0000 different types of birds and a magnificent spot of a white breasted sea eagle. Bloody awesome stuff.In fact kestrels and eagles are pretty common over here, not like back home where you are in serious danger of totalling your car for trying to crane your neck out the window to spot one. There were also a couple of french Canadians and four Norwegian boys.(they were on the tour by the way and not rummaging around in the undergrowth). Richo was a very knowledgeable guide and even though I'm more a reptile girl at heart, his emotive and passionate interest and concern for the creatures (they are getting wrecked by foxes, cats, dogs and humans), rubbed off on me and I too felt sympathetic and responsible to the plight of these beautiful species. And also appreciate them in the wild and not hidden behind a cage in a zoo.

Byron Bay-YHA-4 days

Hot, Humid, Eclectic, Relaxed

arrived in this colourful town after a 12 hour bus journey where we only had one stop and so by the time I had disembarked my bladder was the size of a water melon! Local peeps thought I was very brave arriving without any forward planning or reservation. Me being either brave or stupid was not destitute for long and managed to get into a yha which came with all the usual stuff.Byron Bay is further up the east coast and between Sydney and Brisbane. Its full of Europeans and some Aussies all surfing, partying, sun bathing, getting tattoos or just chilling. A very relaxed atmosphere coupled with a young hip kind of feel. Lots of older peeps about too though and they were usually the most unusual looking.

The Beach boasts chalky soft white sand and a beautiful swell of baby blue waves. Perfect.

Once here I got to work on the 'old itinerary'. the whole point of me travelling alone and arriving in Byron was so that i could get in some decent activities. Missed so many in New Zealand (like the Bungee) that i was ready for some action....and boy did i get it!

My first day...Hang Gliding. Id been out the night before with a couple of really nice German girls called Ari and Weilda. No drinking though...honest! Good thing too as being sober meant i could spot and dispose of various dickhead boys (definitely not men) trying to chat me up whilst lying about their age and basically everything that came out of they're juvenile mouths. Anyway...got in at 4am, was on the cliff edge at 9am. You can imagine, how much i looked forward to running off the cliff edge whilst still not knowing if id actually slept yet? Bugger it..in for a penny in for a pound. So with that thought in mind, I put all my trust in my instructor dude (long hair and utterly tanned) and sored into the air at 500 feet. Bloody great!

B y r o n B a y

The Sydney Quotes

"its a huge shit sandwich....and we all gotta take a bite"
"Its a ying and a yang thing"
"The hand"
"Chip panned"
"Nothings going right...cause nothing ever does"
"Drink all night...talk shit all day"
"The corridors of discontent"

Dont expect anyone to understand these apart from Jamie and I, however they are completely relevant and just another reminder of my hilarious time in Sydney, visiting an old mate.