still Week 5 - 'A Devil of a Xmas'

It was our last day in Mildura on Wednesday and after saying our sad goodbyes, catching a coach, train, plane and a Hyundai Assent, we found ourselves in the coastal town of Swansea! Yes, we finally had enough and got our sorry arses back home!

Ah, no not really. Only joking! We are infact in Tazy for Christmas. A small island just out of arms reach of Melbourne but still within distance enough to remain Australian. Took us about an hour to get here via Quantas.

We booked The Swansea Backpackers Lodge from 20th - 27th December. However not all has been tinsel and turkey, once again the foundations of our best laid plans soon began to collapse when Swansea and the Lodge, failed to deliver the goods we were hoping for.

The lodge was brand new, well equipped, immaculately clean and bloody empty. So much so that I fear Lynne our 'lady in charge' will not exactly have far to look when routing out suspects to 'crumb crimes' in the lounge.

And what of Swansea. Well a place of vast natural beauty hosting panoramic views of turquoise lagoons, soft sandy beaches, towering mountains, a wide variety of indigenous wildlife, breathtaking sunsets, wide open roads and absolutely no bugger about!

Ok, ok, I'm exaggerating a little there, there were some signs of life.

In fact the town is literally perfect, for 'the faint hearted' that is. Folk no younger than 50, a tavern that calls time at 9, 1 garage, 1 supermarket and 1 hairdresser. So, if I were about 30 years older and had limited mileage in the old ticker, Swansea would have been my haven. But I'm not and my appetite for adventure, fun and those illusive creatures called 'humans' was enough for me to call time on The Swansea Backpackers Lodge and get back to civilisation. To be honest I should have realised something was up when we were told the owners had already pissed off for xmas and Lynne said "There's nothing much really to do here" and "All the backpackers left yesterday". If that wasn't bad enough she added "I think we have two other people staying, but I'm not sure" and "No we're not doing anything for the guests over xmas". On hearing this Simon sort of created a smile/grimace hybrid into his magazine and I started enquiring about refunds.

Soon after this unsettling news we both went for a little drive further up the coast, just to see what else we could get. You see, I couldn't rest in that deserted lodge any longer and before clinical depression set in I had to know what else was out there! Long story short, nothing apart from dead kangaroos and fully booked camp sites. We did catch a beautiful sunset though. A landscape of trees silhouetted against that majestic sky of scarlet, fuscia and coral was the most welcome back drop to lift our deflated souls.

Yes, my impatience led us to bombing it round taz at a rather late hour. Totally pissing Simon off as he didn't really wanna go but wouldn't let me go alone, (cheeky sod), plus he almost threw up (something to do with a pizza and the speedometer apparently)?

Well having said all that and as the refund was not forthcoming, we made our own fun and started going way over our mileage allocation by taking a couple of trips to Launceston (second city, lots of shops and bars, friendly folk and free Internet in the library). Coles Bay ( lighthouse, beach, friendly wildlife). Maria island (national park, ferry crossing, beautiful walks, no shops, incredibly tame wildlife). I feel I must admit here that my description of Maria Island is based on local opinion and not my personal experience, as on the morning of our decided trip to the island, I remember waking up bleary eyed and shouting over to Simon...

"Fuck, we've missed the boat....it left four minutes
ago!

Ferry left at 9am, my alarm was launched at 7.15am...say no more.

But not all was lost and having resigned ourselves to spending crimbo with only a howling wind and a howling dog to keep us company, we proceeded to stock up the fridge and book ourselves a seat at the tavern for a xmas buffet however that was only after Simon made sure 'buffet' meant eat as much as you want...two words...bottomless pit!